What has happened to me?

It is interesting how infrequent I have been at blogging!



Only 5 blog entries last year! And this is the first entry for this year - we are close to the end of the third month. I am busy is not the reason for not writing. In one of my blog entries last year, I had described myself as "dead within". I believe that state is still continue. Otherwise, I would have definitely written a blog on 17th November.

Boredom was seldom so boring

And the sad thing is that it isn't even killing me. May be I am already dead ... within.

A wasted weekend?

There were several important tasks to be done this weekend, and I didn't do any of those. I was so bored that I just whiled away the weekend doing nothing. By Sunday evening I was bored to death. Finally, in the evening Poornima and I went out to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part I. That proved to be a silver lining to the otherwise dark weekend.

Deathly Hallows - Part I was a very engrossing movie. I am a fan of Harry Potter books. I haven't enjoyed each of the Harry Potter movies equally. I liked this one was better than most others. I am glad I watched it. It would have been even better if I had watched it in IMAX.

Is it time to re-visit Swami Vivekanand?

During the darkest days of my life, it was Swami Vivekanand's writings that inspired me, gave me hope, and that propelled me to where I am today. Last few years I had been lamenting that I am missing inspiration in my life. I was living but like dead wood. No words were able to move me. But it seems that situation is likely to change. Last four months I have been striving to better myself. I have set out a program to instill in me good habits that will continuously improve myself.

Today after prolonged period of time did I feel a drop of inspiration when I read Swami Vivekanad's quotes. Here are some of Swami Vivekanand's quotes that I found inspirational today:

"Utter no words of condemnation. Close your lips, and let your hearts open."

"He who struggles is better than he who never attempts."

"Character has to be established through a thousand stumbles."

"Choose the highest ideal and live your life upto that."

"No man should be judged by his defects."

"He alone, who is always awake to the idea of freedom, becomes free."

"There is nothing holier in the world than to keep good company."

"Every great achievement is done slowly."

"Character is repeated habits, and repeated habits alone can reform character."

"It is character that cleaves its way through adamantine walls of difficulties."

"Unto him comes everything who does not care for anything."

"We want infinite energy, infinite zeal, infinite courage, and infinite patience, then only will great things be achieved."

"The cause of evil is our desire to be superior to others and our selfishness."

"No religion on earth preaches the dignity of humanity in such a lofty strain as Hinduism."

"Everything that strengthens the will by revealing the real nature is moral."

Biting my fingers

As I write this, the final phase of polling is under way for the 15th Lok Sabha. This election is supposed to be more closely fought than any other Lok Sabha election before this.

In the last year or so I have gained tremendous equanimity with respect to happenings in our world. It is not that I don't care what happens in the world. Far from that, I am really concerned about where the world, and especially India, is heading. But, of late, incidents in the outside world do not take away from me my equanimity. I feel elated or disappointed. I become happy or unhappy. But I do not feel depressed or demoralized. This world is like a dog's tail. No sooner than you think that it is straightened out, do you realize that is as curved as it ever was. Despite the imperfections of the world we have to go on doing what we consider to be best for the world and ourselves. Not only do I think this way, to a reasonable extent, I am able to live this thought.

Despite all this, the on-going elections is making me nervous. I feel attached to my desires. I desire certain result and it makes me nervous to think that it may not turn out to be so. My quiet continence only hides the flutter of the heart within. I have to try to be detached. Our great country will outlast impacts of a hundred elections. No power on earth can stop the forward march of our great nation. No matter what happens in this election, our country will continue to progress.

Thirteen centuries ago a great child was born in the small village of Kaladi in central Kerala, by the Periyar river. The child grew into a boy who changed the future of this nation forever. Millions have followed his path and nurtured the soul of this nation. One moment, one election, one party, one family cannot impair the institution of four thousand years and cherished by a billion people.

Our beloved nation would go on, unfettered, unshackled, unhampered. I know should never be discouraged at failure. I have never been. Never will I be in future. If anything, not seeing success should only strengthen one's resolve to work harder, with greater detachment, towards a loftier goal, more wisely. That's the spirit I am made of. If not today, there will be success tomorrow.

A relaxed weekend

Last 3 weekends, I skied at Snoqualmie. When I went skiing for the first time 3 weeks ago with Ravikant, I was worried it would leave me too tired the rest of the week. However, I survived that week and went skiing the following weekend also. I decided I won't do skiing the next weekend and take some rest. However, the week after that, the weather was great and some of my colleagues decided they wanted to try skiing too. I couldn't have let them down. We did Skiing on Saturday. I took some rest on Sunday, but it wasn't sufficient. Fatigue made me sick the rest of the week. This weekend, I have decided to take rest. I haven't stepped out of house last 27 hours, and I hope I don't have to go out next 27.

I saw a nice movie yesterday. Richard Gere's An officer and a gentleman. It was a wonderful movie. I loved it. Right now I am half watching 1950's In a lonely place. I am half browsing the web. I don't fully follow English movies until I watch with full concentration. I think it's a good movie, but not a great movie. I plan to watch another movie tomorrow. But haven't decided which one.

Moved

We moved to a new apartment last weekend. The new apartment has lot of natural light. That changes the disposition for better.

Depressing days

My last 2 months here in US have been so depressing. I had thought that my confined state, on account of not having a car, was causing me to be depressed, and that once I get a car, I will start feeling better. However that has not happened. Although the car has made life easier, it hasn't alleviated the general gloom that I am experiencing. I am feeling home-sick. I wish I were in India. Much of what I feel is because of the situation at work than anything else. I must bear this situation for many more months. The weather in Seattle doesn't help make things better either. (Seattle has the highest rate of depression and suicides in US, and it is largely attributed to its perennially overcast weather). I pray to God to give me patience and strenght to go through this depressing days.

Missing India

It's two months since I came to US. And never before have I missed India so much. Every moment I feel that I was better off in India. I have stayed in other parts of world, outside India. I stayed for six months in Korea; seven months in UK. I had come to US before. But never before have I missed India so much as I do now.

Relaxed but bored

It is a holiday today. I slept all through the morning and continued my reading of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility in the afternoon. It is good relaxed day. Something that I haven't got in a long time. But I am bored and feeling a bit dull. I need something to keep my mind engrossed and alert.