Surviving Bangalore

To survive in any place, you need to learn something unique about that place. I have seen people quit Mumbai simply because they never learnt how to board crowded trains. There being no trains in Bangalore, you need something different to survive in Bangalore. People from north who have never been in Bangalore are mistaken to believe that one needs to learn Kannada to survive here. If you are one of them, you would be surprised to know that there are people who have lived in Bangalore for forty years and can't speak a single sentence in Kannada. What you need to know to survive in Bangalore is how to deal with auto drivers.

Coming back to Bangalore after a gap of two-and-half years, I was extremely frustrated at the daily altercations with auto drivers. Arguing with an auto driver was a very bad way to begin each workday. So I gave some thought to the matter, did some experimentation and came with guiding principles for dealing with these thugs. Here's how to go about dealing with an auto driver in Bangalore:

Stand at the edge of the road and wave your hand gently when you see an empty auto coming by. I say gently. Do not wave frantically. You have to cast an impression that it is too much of a pain and it is really not worth lifting your hand to stop an auto. You have to be poker-faced. Do not be overjoyed at the sight of the auto. Well, if you keep in mind what is in store you surely won't be overjoyed at the sight of an auto anyway.

If he is a typical Bangalore auto driver, he would not care to park at the edge of the road. He would stop the auto in the middle of the road, a couple meters in front of you. Do not walk towards him. From the distance, shout where you want to go. If you force yourself to stand at a distance, there is a natural tendency of the body to lean in the direction. Be aware of it. Do not lean in the direction of the auto. Stand erect. Tell him where you want to go. Important, do not eagerly wait for his reply. In fact, the moment you tell him where you want to go, you should start looking eagerly towards the auto that's coming from behind. When the auto driver demands double the meter amount, say a very curt "no". Don't even care to look at him. Take a few steps towards the auto that's coming from behind. When you have done all this, be assured that now you are entering negotiations from a position of equal footing. Now, for the first time, look at him directly, but do not say anything. Let him make an offer. Your body language should tell him that this is his last chance. Either he makes a reasonable offer or you are going to say, "get lost".

If he makes some reasonable offer, just nod your head and enter the auto. If it is just more what you are willing to give, firmly tell him what he can expect. Most likely, he would accept. If he doesn't, do not argue any further. Instead, start walking towards the auto that's just stopped behind. He will frantically make some counter-offers. Do not accept anything other than what you offered him. Be firm. Again, walking eagerly towards the auto that's coming from behind helps. If it doesn't help, don't care to cast another look at the auto you have rejected. Resolutely walk away and let him drive away. Rest assured that there is an auto coming from behind.

Try this out. If you do it correctly, 90% of the time, one out of first three auto drivers would take you to your desired destination at a fare you set. It is tested and proven technique. Money back guarantee!!