May 13, 2004 was one of the saddest days of my life. Yesterday was another, and more so. What happened was not unexpected. Everybody was preparing for it for last 3 days, or longer. Me too. Yet when I heard the news that Bal Thackeray was no more it hit me hard. It is interesting how my grief grew slowly but surely over next day a half. Probably my first reaction was, "Well it was coming". And then when I thought about it, I was moved to tears. Some months back I had commented that I felt as if I am dead within.So it was surprising that there should be tears in my eyes. I was surprised that this heart that I thought had died had the capacity to feel so much pain. On call with Chandragupta and Baba, I shared my grief. That was Saturday morning (US Central Time). Then I went about doing my things with my heart heavy with grief. In the evening I went to Hindu temple at Madrid, Iowa, for Diwali celebrations. Briefly the grief was forgotten. When I came back at night, grief took hold of me again.
The next morning was no different. I woke up not very upbeat, and as the day went on the thought of life without Bal Thackeray was slowly sinking in. In the evening I thought I should see videos of what's happening in Mumbai. I went to youtube and searched for videos of Bal Thackeray's funeral.
At the back of my mind was the thought that my life will never be the same again. As a teenager in Mumbai in eighties and nineties, Bal Thackeray was a towering influence on my psyche. No day passed when I did not hear something from or something about Bal Thackeray. I remember his speech in Ghatkopar just after Ayodhy episode. I remember his reaction to the movie Bombay. "There is nothing to be apologetic about (Shiv Sena's participation in Mumbai riots)", he had said. He was the only politician in India to oppose the Mandal commission. He was also the only politician who publicly took credit for Ayodhya. His historic protection of Hindus in post-Ayodhya riots kept Hindus of Mumbai alive. When asked by reporters that he scares certain people, Bal Thackeray said emphatically, "Of course they (those who are anti-national, and anti-Hindu) HAVE to be scared of us"! Beyond all these, there probably are more reasons why I adored Bal Thackeray. I know, emotionally my life wll never be the same again.
Maharashtra has produced three really, really great leaders in the 20th centuary - Lokmanya Tilak, Veer Savarkar and Bal Thackrey. The last of those left us for heavenly abode last week. May his soul rest in peace!
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