Fatigue taking it's toll

Now that it has become a habit to miss the company bus and go to Suwon by train later, I felt no qualms doing that today. What surprised me was that, as the train pulled into Suwon station, I had to make an effort to get up from my seat and head out. Later in the day at some point, a thought crossed my mind, "I can't do this task any further". I have never said this to myself in several months. Exhaustion is now slowly taking it's toll on me.

Yesterday I reached home after 2 a.m. Productivity hasn't been good for the past two days. Often in the last two weeks, I have counted how many more days to go, here in Korea. I see many of my colleagues frequently counting down days, but I never do that, because impatience breeds on itself. So, I was surprised at what I was thinking.

Next ten days are going to be crucial. And it's going to get worse before it gets better. In past, I have taken wrong actions under stress and exhaution. I realise that I need to stay calm at this point of time. I am not the only one under duress. Everyone is under pressure to deliver. Others would be reacting to my actions under stress of their own. So I need to be extra careful. I need to understand my own state of mind as well as that of others. I am supposed to be good at staying calm under pressure. This would be yet another test for me.

What's killing me is lack of diversion. I haven't opened a book in last three weeks! May be I should try to find some time to read even in these busy days. It may help relax my mind.

One reason why Swami Vivekanand's writings has such a tremendous influence on my thoughts and my actions is that again and again I find that I am never in a situation where I do not have his suggestions to guide me. As I think about my present difficulties, I am reminded of what I read last week - "Best work is only done by alternate repose and work". Keeping this in mind would help.